Task failed successfuly

I tend not to pick up from any last post because, its a mere reflection of my state of mind at the time and its probably irrelevant by the time I decide to write something again. But, I want to specifically reflect on the past 2 years to this point because is the best way to measure if any progress have been had.

To make it short, I'll sum up the past time since writing.

- Successfully crashed one startup.
- Successfully almost went broke 2 times.
- Successfully kept myself unemployed on purpose.
- Successfully went to consulting (or never left consulting in the first place).
- Begrudgingly went back in to the office only to go back out again (thanks coronachan).
- Successfully paid mortgages and bills on time and somehow through all those failings.
- Lost 50 pounds. Gained 10 (thanks coronachan)


After continuously failing somehow I still make more money than when I was employed and have unprecedented levels of freedom from what was otherwise going to become another obituary statistic. I indeed had a plan for leaving employment, I also knew that it was probably going to not go as planned. But I wasn't quite ready to find success in failure. I was more ready to fail and have to shove myself back in a cubicle or worse, an open plan office where I would be plotting everyone's murder every day. It sounds a bit weird to put it like that. I like failing. The more I fail and dare to fail, the more things I find to be successful at. Success is relative and has a very largely measurable variation of degrees. I would say that making having to work "optional" in your life is quite a success.

That does not mean I stop being productive. Or that I don't need more money ever. Or that I won't hit up contacts to find gigs and contract work that wont suck up my time. Bills are still there, mortgage has several five figures left. But employment has a very strict definition of what it means to be productive and profitable. By demanding more flexibility I am both more productive and more profitable, since no longer tied to a chairwarmer model of money making. I still warm my chair when coding. But at least time is detached somewhat, since I only choose to work on my most productive hours (unless there is some client emergency to attend).

Although I joke about drinking coffee and scratching my balls all day while binging on anime like a healthy neet, its very hard to switch of the part of the brain that wants to build something. Is not even about motivation per se, motivation is a false god. I am motivated to sleep all day. I am not motivated to release a mobile app. But I definitely dread the alternative means of production that is traditional employment. Whatever works I suppose.

And yes there are things I am indeed motivated to do or develop. I reject the notion of being addicted to misery and never finding a motive to try anything. But I'm nowhere near being rich. Not yet anyways. Though it feels like it. There is power in options, and being able to reject a high paying employment offer just because you don't feel like being owned ever again is definitively a power flex.

I'm not trying to humble brag either. I cocky brag when I brag. I'm merely trying to figure out if I'm in the right path. If I were to think about where I wanted to be back then and where I find myself now, then yes, mission complete, not accomplished.  It looks very different from what I was hoping for at the time, but it still ticks all the check boxes.

Now that coronachan has forced everyone and myself to pause a bit, I'll be taking some time off to figure out what I want to do next. There are a few zombie startups I can finally crash or accidentally make successful. There are some absolutely non profitable side projects that are a ton of fun that I would like to finish. There are some business books I'd like to go through and yeah even write a blog post or 2. Also catch up on more skills. The past 2 years I managed to cram Python, Vue.js, QlikView and Django in my portfolio of jack of all trades. I might go back to brush up on those, or even find something else to play with.